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Relationships and History
Again, this is not promoting one view or another, just offering up some information in a society with a lot of relationship problems. The idea of monogamous love – “true” love, as it were – it’s a pretty new development in the grand scheme of things, and divorce rates prove we’re not exactly great at it. Statistics of 40% to 50% of all marriages ending in divorce would argue this hypothesis of monogamy being a perfect and natural choice. History has shown that monogamy is more of a social construct than a biological drive which means like all social constructs, it has its advantages and drawbacks. And religion has exacerbated the topic viewing different types of lifestyles as wrong and even evil.
It this topic is of interest one of the best of many books on this topic is “Sex at Dawn:How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships” ” by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá. Monogamy didn’t arise until fairly late in human history, with the notion that wives and children were the property of the husband. It’s a fascinating eye-opening book on the topic. Until very recently, our opinions and actions depended to a large extent on social and religious morality. Today, fewer stereotypes affect newer relationships, and in this sense, the desire to remain faithful is associated not so much with fear of public condemnation as with awareness of the partner’s value and deep, trusting relationships with them.
What’s It Really About
No matter your belief on how relationships and marriage “should” be there is a bottom line: honesty. The term “cheating” denotes doing something behind the back of your partner which encourages a toxic relationship. Taking religious and social aspects out of the equation, infidelity comes down to a lack of trust and being honest. Neither of which is good for a relationship. If you have committed to being monogamist, which many do in typical marriage, then doing anything behind your partners back is cheating, and harmful. Open relationships are more pervasive than people think. Meaning couples have permission to date or see other people. This of course takes the cheating element out. We are not advocating what is right or wrong. We are advocating being honest with your partner no matter what your choice is.
The Trust Factor
If you are in a dedicated relationship and trouble occurs and builds up, cheating or having an affair is not only hurtful but dishonest. Any healthy relationship must be rooted in integrity. When couples have problems, the key is to be honest about them talk about them, get counseling etc. Having an affair and hoping you don’t get caught seldom ends well. The root of the problem is actually the dishonesty, not the sex. Those who opt for a more open relationship must still have complete honesty and trust in other areas.
Non traditional relationships is a personal choice between couples. But it takes a specific type of couple to have this type of relationship. If it’s something looked at after living a traditional marriage forsome time it can indicate a fear of attachment to each other, a desire to avoid pain if betrayal does happen. A good therapist can help sort out all types of relationship problems.
No matter whether you choose a traditional relationship or not, respect, honesty and integrity or key to success.